Loud Silence

Secrets

2011-02-15T15:10:00.000-05:00

i wish i knew what to say,

or rather,

how to say it…

i wish these long drawn-out

silences

were a little less one-sided

i wish it took less dramatic measures

to make a good-bye stick

to return things as they should have

always been

but, return,

could it ever?

be what we had before?

i wish i knew what that was…

was there ever a moment

when we were not an us?

it’s hard to recall

if either of us could peer

beyond the walls of forgiveness

we’d see the shattered

spirits

of our dying love unfold

fore when i find the words

we will finally know…

how deep the wounds of deceit

shall go

i wish we could have been more honest

especially with ourselves

fore if the words should never come

the truth shall still be known

regardless of the outcome,

i hope deep down you know…

i will always miss you

and what we had before

break me... again!

2011-01-31T13:00:00.001-05:00

you’ve broken my heart

over and over again

i’ve let you

extending the fragments

of which remain in tact

to be shattered

ever more

by the persecutor

of my soul

i lay it out before you

come…

crush me

destroy me

make me fall apart

over and over again

i beg of you,

break my world apart!

your visit last night

2011-01-18T12:07:00.000-05:00

you came to me

last eve

creeping through

the shadows of my dream

i felt your eyes

observing

my life unfolding

without you

and it was there

where your presence

was felt

that i came to know

i would always

have you

if only in my dreams.

The Chosen One

2011-01-16T14:11:00.001-05:00

it was not i

who chose life

it was life

whom chose me

oft times

considered mundane

yet precious the gift at hand

i unwrap it

carefully, precise

seemingly careless at times

unfolding the corners

placing together the pieces

realizing it not to be a puzzle

but a portrait

of the brightest colors

darkened shadows

a kaleidoscope of fragments

adjustable, amendable

ever changing the angle of which

i hold it

it is a gift

handed down to me

a gift

meant to share

my dutiful obligation

to respect it

with objectified care.

Thawing

2011-01-13T19:00:00.001-05:00

there is a chill that’s seeped

into my cells,

cold, still, numbing,

the days

immobile...

wondering how long,

it all must take

for passion and desire

once again to stake claim…
as rapidly as the freeze
seeped into my veins,

slowly, the coldness will lift

a vague memory

of another dreary winters day...

cultivating ambition

where otherwise, lie none

awaiting...

the freeze to thaw
and life...
to once again,
blossom.

Flip Side

2011-01-01T03:00:00.000-05:00

on the flip side

it could always be worse

so I flip

and I flop

as a fish out of water

contented in knowing

it could always

be worse

Surgeon Generals Warning

2010-12-27T23:57:00.000-05:00

i roll it up,

to smoke it,

the fragments

of our broken hearts,

collected over time

with ignited fire

i spark the tip

inhaling all of our

desires

within my lungs

we linger there

until i must

exhale,

fumes of unanswered promises

wafting out of longing lips

left in disrepair,

the stench

of heavenly-ever-after

dissipating in the air

puff after puff,

ashes blown, deception released

to the unforgiving breeze

it’s the memories best forgotten,

when i stub out our butt

to our final

cremation

The Rules

2010-12-24T01:04:00.000-05:00

if you want to be heard,

then your gonna have to listen

if you want to be seen,

then you’ll have to become the observer

if you want to be loved,

then you’ll have to love (back)

if you want to be it,

you have to know it…

inside and out

if you want to shine,

then you’re gonna have to polish

if you want to succeed,

you’ll just have to learn

it aint always so easy

it takes patience, sacrifice,

diligence, tears and pain…

but if you really want to,

i believe you will achieve

anything….

Sunken

2010-12-20T13:00:00.001-05:00

my heart sinks

as the sink fills

with 8 wine glasses

6 coffee mugs

2 knives

and I’m still…

sitting with cup in hand

wafting away the smoke

engulfed in unbecoming

emotions

without you

my sink fills

as my heart sinks

and I’m still…

sunken

without you.

the storm within

2010-11-17T03:00:00.000-05:00

thunder bolts from the sky

echoing the restlessness of my heart

as rain pummels down

concealing welcomed tears

i walk purposeless

engulfed by the angry skies

reverberating my pain

winds whipping through me

as the heat of my veins

perpetrate the storm

i walk

as the clouds

rains and winds dissipate

and all that remains

is little ol’ drenched me

immobile

to the silence

that follows

Be the Change

2010-11-13T01:24:00.000-05:00

if you move away

change jobs

careers

life-style

hair color

if you run from the city streets

to the country lit skies

and say good-bye

to convenience

falling directly into the lap of convention

if you let go and let be

allowing silence to sink in

to an otherwise loud and consuming mind

if you picture it imperfect

allowing expectations to drift away

perhaps, it is there,

you will find the unanswered questions

it’s worth a try…

anyway

Poser

2010-11-08T00:52:00.000-05:00

I’ve learned best by being a poser,

yes, it is true…

I’ll admit it here and now

that all along

I’ve never had a clue

racing head-strong

I’ve become the perfect clone

an imposing actor of our time

I’ll tell you I can do it

that I am the best!

I’ll smile and nod

at every request

when asked the questions

I do not know,

I’ll lighten the mood with

Excellent question!

placing any doubt to rest

for I really don’t know anything

other than

perfecting the perfect scheme

of being the one who can do everything…

what a resourceful being!

tell me

2010-11-02T04:00:00.001-04:00

you whisper,

tell me you love me,

even if you lie…

silence on my tongue

mind swirling with

words i long to muster

yet lying in your arms

my voice obsolete…

you respond to my silence,

then ask me…

the question…

searching your eyes, i do…

…do you love me?

Yes. i will always.

and i find myself bereft,

acknowledged with a caress…

until your soft eyes close,

sweet as an angel to rest

shortly thereafter,

i gather my things and leave…

wondering,

if words really do

mean anything?

Cannibals

2010-11-01T01:00:00.001-04:00

a lingering feeling of want

and desire,

not once subsided

since we last parted

so close,

yet far away

a distance of which

space can not replace

although we try

each and every time

ho-humming along

to the beating of passions’

tongue

we become entwined

reveling the addiciton
of...

you devouring me
as i consume you

Days of Silence

2010-10-24T18:21:00.000-04:00

counting the days…

one, two and so

achingly slow…

three and four

days of silence.

booming silence

as not one word be passed

among us

as if

we were both walking

deceased

numbly moving along

forgetting our natural instinct

to love,

communicate

knowing,

there is an internal battle

festering within us

lost in translation,

between the words we did not say

and the silence that followed

silence

five, six,

now seven days…

i’ll count ‘til infinity

to hear what you have to say.

the devils queen

2010-10-21T17:07:00.001-04:00

smoke encircles her body

rising from the ashes of sin

not one other man

could comprehend

the places she has been

striding in

whoop-whish

her skirt flails about

as she spins atop

the counter part

scotch infused breath

on exposed skin

she lingers a moment

allowing her presence

to sink in

languidly lusting

for the touch of each

mans eyes

her ache to be the

centerpiece

of the crowded

mangled bar

realized

once she is assured

of capturing

their attention

it is now that she pounces

and no one

will ever understand

what hit ‘em

a seashell for you

2010-10-14T08:00:00.000-04:00

You,
being the person who has everything

i never would have thought…
after Years of me conjuring the perfect gift…

you could not appreciate it
because,
naively,
you did not know…

about the little things,
in life

and the treasures
they behold

so glad,
so fortunate

I could share it with you

It's all about change

2010-10-11T12:00:00.006-04:00

Today,

you will find me....

Here I Scribble by DT

muse

2010-10-08T13:00:00.001-04:00

the juices flow

rarely so ripe

immobilizing the ability

to continue

into mundane routines

of life,

recluse in these moments

that move too quickly,

an uninhibited soul

released

envisioning, creating

editing, revising

one into the other,

the fingers move

within the mind,

an ebbing massage

of the inner-voice

freely

exhaling

Un-bloomed

2010-10-06T00:24:00.000-04:00

fortunate,

yet imprisoned

in the early years frost,

buds yet still to bloom

frozen, alas

true potential

held within

never allotted

the opportunity to thrive

shriveled

unprimed

blustering from within

a will to survive,

a beautiful wonder

of which could

have been…

Dream... continued...

2010-10-04T02:26:00.000-04:00

to dream

of new adventures

paths unconquered,

undiscovered

moving on without a good-bye

yet cheers of blessings and

see you sometime

through distance

the mile span spreads

love forever manifested

from the time

we spent together

yet moving on

is what I dream of

to tomorrows

new adventures

discovering the paths

of many more to pass

the question lingers,

always enticing

‘where do you come from?’

‘where will you go?’

it is my dream…

to never fully know.

A woman's blush

2010-09-29T02:07:00.000-04:00

i wished upon forever

through the star-studded

gaze in your eyes

with a mirrored reflection of

hope lust entrust

arising into remembrance

the beauty lying within forgiveness

unbeknownst how much would be taken

between the fingers of our touch

grasping the breath

of which we both subside

this moment,

as much yours

as it is mine

tickles my girlish emotions

endearing the ever-lasting blush

staking claim

into womanhood

both

to be

loved & despised

dreams do come true

2010-09-16T00:15:00.000-04:00

like a girl,

on her first day of school,

just to show up and find…

school is full of barbies, play-house and dress-up

sweets galore,

of ever varying kind…

reverted back to text book smells

and sugar sweet lips

to tell

the tales

of fabricated stories

protected by a bubble

of which,

only the reality

of dreams come true

could burst…

into the surreal freedom

of dreaming continued...

table for one, please

2010-09-10T16:42:00.000-04:00

there is something to be said

of the solitaire soul

something unique,

yet seemingly wild

and out of control

independence succumbed

to a table for one

the musical tinker-tink

of toasts and cheers

abound

achingly, patrons whisper

A beautiful girl, still of her prime

there’s time still to be found

by a handsome young man

to share their days

with promises and serenades

yet,

finishing her meal

walking out to busied streets

her shadow not far behind

reflection playfully darting

on window panes

she smiles,

knowing the secrets

often considered obsolete

although, solitaire

she’s never been lonely

delighted in spending time

with herself

seemingly selfish

perhaps even odd

but that of which

many will never master

Naive Love

2010-09-03T22:00:00.001-04:00

we loved

as if

love did not

matter

as if time

stood still

with us

as if

we would live

forever

as if

love

would

prevail

yet

we did not see

the future

did not predict

that the moment

would not last

forever

we loved

as if

love did not

matter

naively,

unknowingly…

It does.

Time

2010-09-01T01:03:00.000-04:00

time moves

so quickly

and I wonder…

where does it go?

children growing,

seasons changing,

life.

moving rapidly

into the future

one moment passes into

the next

one minute, into an hour

an hour into a day

a day into a month

a month into

a year…

gone bye.

again and again

and through the seasons

through time traveling

past conceivable notion,

I still find it hard to step back

and watch time slipping past

to stand still

as life

moves quickly

beyond measure

comprehension,

no time

to look back

nor forward

it’s this moment

moving quickly

that my mind is rapid

fluttering as the hummingbird flurry

a ripple in the waves

losing ones reflection

lost in the turmoil

compounded by the immeasurable

timing

of time slipping away

through pursed lips dried,

attempting to sip water through

fine fingers

it slides…

away

left

hungering for a time

when life did not run

faster then my legs could move,

when memories

served more of a purpose than

a simple snap shot

to capture the moment

the course of time

bewildered,

daunted…

I’ll rise for air

at once

gasping

after this drought

of a swim

through time

languidly embracing the moments

of which can so easily

be forgotten

remember still,

the person I am

the person in control,

not that

of time

Life is a Scavenger Hunt

2010-08-17T14:17:00.000-04:00

Life

is about searching

moving about

looking for

specific items

be it a place

a time

a person

a feeling

an emotion

it’s the constant hunt

with an ending goal

of happiness

a life fulfilled,

a race to the finish line

picking up memorabilia

along the way

to create a shrine

of the scavenger hunt

of a life time

all of us

out there

searching

for the same contentedness

all of us

taking our own path

to make it

to the same places

in this race through life

we may lose ourselves

a time or two

but we all meet

at the finish line

to share the final prize

with you.

Invincable Woman

2010-08-12T21:49:00.000-04:00

I pretended nothing was wrong

knowing if I believed,

even though the marks

lay across me,

if I concealed it

none would be able to see

if I lay buried within myself

false pretenses

ringing true,

for sure the world

would not notice

the pain concealed

yet

shining through

heavily consumed

the eyes of burden

hidden secrets untold

no one will notice

so long as I believe

it is true

as everyone shies away,

with silence on their tongue

they can not see me,

or what I have become…

still

lie in front of them

a woman

hidden in the shadows

of which

society

does not speak of

creating an

invisible woman

for all the world

to turn the other cheek on

and the bruises

they continue,

the only source

to rely on,

it is with this burden

of which I will always run with

and forever be known,

as the invincible woman

with tender loving pooh

2010-08-05T03:37:00.000-04:00

Pooh pooh

it’s all been had before…

Pooh pooh

it’s been said

it’s been true

Pooh

on you

Pooh

on me

Pooh pooh platter

for all to be

nothing unique,

nothing unseen

yet, always the

Pooh pooh

i love.

from you to me

with love,

to you from me

Pooh pooh

it's what all fine things

are made of.

Dreaming of you

2010-08-03T12:53:00.000-04:00

i dreamt of you last eve

miracles brushed us,
with the color of fall leaves
stroking, creating
harmonious beings
folded together
it was you embracing me
transpiring wishes
floating through air,
heavens’ god hushed
as loves’ tears
fell upon us

when i awoke,
into darkness…
i willed you to hear
silent whispers
to come home
my ever-lasting
dear

Gypsy Woman

2010-07-29T23:25:00.000-04:00

it’s not what you are running from

it’s where you are heading to,

the desire

the hope

you are one of a few,

needing to fulfill

inquisitive minds

exploring

the unknown

leaving the rest behind,

it’s blissful awareness of

everlasting anew,

a soul calls home

where all fresh dreams

go to brew

ambiguously,

it’s the untold story

that never would be

if not for the sacrifice

of two…

or three…

title inpired by Fireblossom

Rising Above

2010-07-27T01:38:00.000-04:00

I can't.

I won't.

will never.

give up.

refusing to be the victim.

rising above,

nonsensical verbiage

actions

saddened only by,

your sadistic eyes.

Loves Capabilities

2010-07-19T04:00:00.001-04:00

they all love you…

my friends,

family,

they do!

they tell me so…

constantly

the charm, the wit,

the adorable ways of which

you love me.

all chivalrous and conforming.

they wish me to be more like you,

like them…

yet, each morning i wake,

and i am me.

none of the above

of which you all seek.

can i still be loved?

the unconventional me?

or must i sustain the constant

ridicule, judgment, passiveness?

just love me, is all i ask…

the madness that is me

i take the vow, to love in return,

as capable as me can be.

What If?

2010-07-10T19:01:00.000-04:00

what if this kiss

was our last?

what if good-bye

was forever?

the time we held each other,

only a memory

distance escaping us,

what if…

we were no longer?

would you remember me?

remember us?

what we could have been?

what if…

two words,

two souls,

lost, eternally

would you…?

remember me?

what we were?

what if,

good-bye was forever?

our last time,

our last

Thank You Larry G!

2010-07-07T04:08:00.000-04:00

a bit confused...

do I learn to walk

before I swim?

do I learn to swim

before I fly?

perhaps I should learn to live,

before I die...

inspired by http://ytfe.blogspot.com/

paradise

2010-07-05T06:00:00.002-04:00

take me away

to a land of forgiveness

peace and purity

glam and passion

take me beyond,

to a land far from here

no baggage required

heading for the horizons

into sunsets and sunrises

perfectly blended

with moonlit waters

calmly reflecting,

a surrender

to you

from me

i’ll find my way,

if you’ll take me

selective memory

2010-07-01T01:48:00.000-04:00

time slips…

fades away into the eternal distance

filled, yet forgotten

past transgressions and lessons

history repeats itself

over and over

laughing hysterically

for the rumpus delight

of the forsaken

love, let love, forget love

to love again

passionate placement

in the timeline of life

fading the memories

of long-ago forgotten

rising, to the bliss

of born-again forgiveness

again and again

forgotten

each day

time slips away…

memories suppressed

be reborn today.

To Love Her

2010-06-26T23:40:00.002-04:00

If you want her,
open your ears
in place of your heart

if you want to know her,

open your mind

discounting life's affections

if you long to keep her,

bring with you empathy

forgetting all frivolousness

only in this manner

will you fully know

what it is

to love her.

the truth

2010-06-21T10:40:00.003-04:00

you can look,

but you can’t really tell

what’s truly going on inside

the mind

the walls

pristine the exterior

shining the light

what’s underneath

the shield

may never truly be reveled

yet you may ponder

and question

hoping to discover

the truths held within

the protective mind

distracted

by your own secrets

devised

your own agenda

to make sense of what is real

variable on whatever pieces

you may find

the truth remains skeptical

for it is all

of what you make of it

the truth,

is in your lying mind

Silence

2010-06-17T10:50:00.001-04:00

Silence.

so much louder than words,

yet how much breath has been wasted?

time slipping away

to speak, but not listen

to listen, but not hear

Silence.

i give you,

as there are no more words to say.

it's hard not loving you

2010-06-14T04:00:00.001-04:00

art by Jason Lincoln

it’s hard not loving you,

your smile,

your laughter

it’s hard not loving

the challenges you partake in

the hope you bring to others

the way you hold me,

tight

as if you were to let go

i would fall into eternal burden

it’s hard not loving you

the way that i would like to

it’s hard each time we part,

how your embrace stays with me

strengthening the release
of our bond

it’s hard not loving you

even harder still

to love myself,

without you.

Infidelity

2010-06-11T11:00:00.001-04:00

sweat

blood

pumping through veins

knowingly rising

in dissolution

again and again

self-purgatory rains

pouring within

thump-thump-thump-thump

masochist of sorts

anxiety perused

returning to avail,

no pity for the

self-sacrificing soul

laid limply beneath defeat

exhausted, alone

in the midnight error

of bliss

Eternity

2010-06-09T11:00:00.004-04:00

there is a place both here and beyond

where it all comes together

the world and the universe

become one

eternally tied up,

set free

the words unbroken

escaped from

centuries of captivity

released the revenge

the forgiveness

be-lovingly the secrets

of existence

distance depleted

words ravelled

as the pen lay to rest

the soul ever more

oh sweet chic

2010-06-03T00:00:00.000-04:00

How can i say this?

my delicate chic…

where you were born to the stable henhouse

raised to peck, running around the stomping ground

spooned in the feathers of comfort at dusk

father there to cock-a-doodle the morn

familiar, the land of which you were born

one day you will be king

to raise the roost

it is your beautiful destiny

well some, such as i,

were born with wings to fly

born atop a functioning nest

to be fed from a mouth up high

raised vigilantly

to be set free amongst the wild

wide winged with a keen eye

it’s by chance we’ve met

that i should land here to rest

although seemingly intriguing and exotic,

a grand new fixture to adorn

when you beckon the sun

as a baritone cock

wings will spread

briskly flying

into the morn

How can i say this?
sweet little chic

although the same species,

some birds are meant to fly

maybe tomorrow

2010-05-28T11:02:00.000-04:00

i don’t wanna.

Nope.

sure don’t.

don’t wanna do laundry

grocery shop

talk to you

read

watch tv or movies

Nope.

i don’t wanna.

go to work

take a shower

get dressed

be social

or smile

pretending to care

Nope.

sure don’t.

don’t wanna

do dishes

clean the bathroom

check my e-mail

Nope.

not gonna.

and you can’t make me

The Daughter

2010-05-09T09:00:00.003-04:00

it is mid-day,

summer heated spring beauty

she walks, aimlessly

devoid of emotion

no stranger to strangers passing by

warm breeze flutters her cotton dress,

dancing with wisps of golden hair,

stranded from the long braid lane softly down her back

resting in lushness of green grasses,

shining raze of sun, warm her milky skin

wide, blue eyes gaze up to a reflecting clear blue empty sky

parched mouth,

she languidly bites into a sumptuous red tomato,

eaten as an apple, the juices slither down her plush lips

gliding the crease of her elongated neck

kissing the ground with nutrients

as bended knee, a glistening pearl of sweat

rolls down the curve of her calf,

she feeds the earth with her existence

as the skies,

listen to her silence

seeping into the ground of which she invades,

comforting strength and growth

solitude and awareness,

she is her Mother’s daughter

a minuscule piece,

of an existence much grander

One Word

2010-05-05T18:15:00.001-04:00

Love.

strength resides there,

embodied the presence of meaning,

demands foreseen

whispering devotion

once spoken, it lingers

as a haunted ghost

expectations forthcoming…

Sorry.

forgiven or not

inevitable the mistakes we endure

choices and decisions sorrowfully playing

keystrokes of emotion,

yet bound by self gratification

a minuscule moment in time

that can…

Hurt.

deep inside

unjustly wronged

pain ensued, heartfelt despair

alone, bewildered

a breaking heart

forsakenly demised to…

Hate.

so strong

immeasurable the weight of which bears down

animosity, angst

burdened there the forsaken,

unrelenting despise and disgust

scared, this could be everlasting…

Hope.

Love. will resurface

Sorry. if forgiveness can not find its way

Pain. residing in what once was a safe place

Hate. seething its way into overflowing veins

Hope. that tomorrow will be better

what is one little word, anyway?

Runaway

2010-03-30T07:30:00.001-04:00

It is not the moments of which have been lived,

but the moments that have been taken

It is not the love you so delicately embrace,

but the love that did not stay

It is not the memories cherished,

but the memories that never happened

It is not the truths you innocently told,

but the secrets you did not say

It is not the love you so freely give,

but the love you have not captured

It is not the lives of which you have touched,

but the lives standing alone each day

It is not the warmth of a sheltering home,

but the cold abandoned houses unadorned

It is not the triumphs so bravely taken,

but the times half-heartedly portrayed

It is not the choices easily made,

but the ones that are most difficult

It is not the decisions of yesterday,

but the actions of today

It is not the child smiling up at you,

but the one that went astray.

love can hurt

2010-03-25T09:30:00.001-04:00

does it hurt me more knowing,

knowing that you just want me to be happy?

the fact that you are willing to let me go?

does it hurt me more moving forward,

envisioning how i was always happiest with you?

that, perhaps, you truly do care and i have deceived you?

does it hurt me more looking back,

remembering those kisses?

the ones we give to another?

does it hurt me more now,

that i wish i could be with you?

realizing, i will break his heart too?

Finding Home

2010-03-22T16:56:00.001-04:00

somber day has come

reaching the height of potential

looking out to the vast spans

of an hour glass, run dry

seconds, minutes, hours and days

dissipated, sucked away

mounting the last heap of hope

looking down upon the mountain’s scope

knowing

the only way down…

a leap

into the stomach of fate,

limits spent

boundaries surpassed

humbled, you find your way…

Home.

Lost Love

2010-03-18T00:27:00.000-04:00

a lost love

is nothing but, a then love

a once before

a had been

always will be

kind of love

a lost love,

never dies

or needs

always there

in times of chance

breathing with you continuously

a lost love,

never leaves

seasons the years

passing beyond means

yet there is that constant

Love

shared in a lost love,

continually

spoken of which

uninformed

other than

the actuality

At War

2010-03-12T16:52:00.000-05:00

mutilated minds

corrupt,

devoid of emotion,

social-retard-ism

captivated today

seen on the wide-screen

of which the world enraptured

compounded and bound

to the atrocities of society

victim to thyself,

when media casts spite in the

glare of doubt

to the existence of good vs. evil

conspiracy derived,

society hidden inside

not of warmth and glee

but secluded, deep

to the satire of belief

no more the existence of mankind,

depleted the visions of hope

of which our land derived

falling privy to demands

of evil

when only one voice, is spoken

one voice, be heard

the world withdraws within

mankind, imploded.

wrote this a while ago...found it fitting to the....situation...

walk with me

2010-03-12T15:30:00.001-05:00

walk with me a fraction,

a fraction of time here today

sun anew, skies sparkling blue

a stroll i must take

come along, hear my woes

a little serenade

listen to the melody

of pounding heartbreak,

eyes of deep sea blue

quiet they are not,

tears fall

glistening with wetness new

sorrowful heartstrings

pinker pink in tune

while fleshy roses

bloom

it’s here, this day

where the spring baby lay

that i tell my tale to you

the lonesome song

of yester-year

when i gave my heart away,

for you, my dear,

i wish it was

but nay, i dare say not.

come with me

walk a bit,

Listen-

melancholy souls

of weeping trees sway

it’s there,

whispering secrets,

the ones i could not say.

come back

2010-03-09T10:13:00.001-05:00

both lost

unknowingly

both searching for the way,

persistent and struggling

to fill the hole of lost opportunities

busy, misguided, struggling

with irreparable damages

would it be possible,

we both reach out simultaneously

and find the other there

as we languidly seek refuge

falling back into the comfortable pretense

of our existence

The Widow

2010-03-03T12:00:00.001-05:00

wind cracking the window pane,

alone inside, the widower

staring back, her reflection

darkened the night outside her window

howling gusts bring forth a shiver

a single light flickers,

that of her own

blazed, enlightened

day and night

she is frightened

the rage of which she rid of

dwindled down,

the embers exist

burning still the pain

what once there was,

still there to scold her

abandoned, abused

hands blood stained…

his spirit taunts her

A Letter

2010-03-01T12:30:00.001-05:00

Dear Pride,

What a stubborn bitch You are!
time and again, You always win
times of need, shelter, protection,
Plain old asking for help,
You always step in
Controlling the situation
a masochist of sorts, You are
I wish, today, I could say I love you,
even appreciate you just a little,
But there You are
beaming with gratification,
when, once again, You have taken over
well, I, the being of my whole
am left, wondering….
What now? What now?

Bemused,
me.

Sacrifices

2010-02-27T14:29:00.000-05:00

I could wait for you,

the man I’ve loved for years

I could wait for you,

to finally follow through

I could wait,

for days, months, even years,

but wait…

I already have.

yet, I could wait longer,

if you asked me to

for you to be the man

fulfilling my needs

waiting for you to decide,

if I am the one

you’ll want forever-after

it is only my love, pride,

desires, hopes, and dreams

that I sacrifice

I could wait for you…

even longer.

Compass

2010-02-25T12:32:00.001-05:00

there is a point

an arrow blatantly directing the way
through thickets and thorns
abrasions foreseen
crossing the path of destruction

no avoidance,
there is only one way
hard as the path grows
steep as the mountain inclines
up, over, but there is no sideways

braced, barren,
unprepared
encompassing the rigid
road ahead,
convinced,
the compass must be broken.

Frozen

2010-02-19T14:01:00.001-05:00

wounds cut deep
as the whitened snow bleeds
blood red,
the purple abrasion
seeps,
the eyes no longer seeing
heart no longer beats,
hands frozen
despairingly motionless
as a puckered mouth opens,
silent
timeless
stillness of winter night streets,
the freeze becomes her.

let me down easy

2010-02-17T08:00:00.001-05:00

let me down easy

lay battered limbs

down softly

upon a feather bed,

a deep plush nest

tucked in warmth

swaying in forgiveness’s arms

thermometer of my heart

beat down the walls

to be rebuilt,

break apart

the pieces

that need be forgotten

and let me down easy,

lay mingled limbs

down softly

to start anew

skies

2010-02-15T13:47:00.001-05:00

relinquished gestures rendered...

sincere

soft, the lips of heavens whisper

breeze brushing slightly

to pitter-patter the earlobes

of unease

forthcoming the rivers, of anticipation

changing course, the time-watchers error

bequests enchantment,

dreamers barer, the eyes of the sun

warmth hindered there

beneath savory sins

you can not bear

trollop along, squalling vanity

reflection not of mirror

seek to the skies

reflected in waters

it is there

found, bequeathed.

We is Us

2010-02-10T18:31:00.000-05:00

love.

as i am.

as you is.

as we are.

completed.

you is me.

me is you.

us is we.

loving me.

loving you.

loving us.

loving we.

we is us.

lovingly.

Another Blow

2010-02-04T19:56:00.000-05:00

sinister gods of the universe

preparing, diligently

come forth

another...

blow, blow, BLOW!

all-encompassing

oblivious, scattered minds

feeling safe

blind-sided

by fates...too many

wrongful duties

to of which is the purpose?

insight to thyself

knowledge

good, not enough

bad, be of plenty

growth...

endured

each blow,

strengthing

knock down, no more

hurt, no longer

existence

forthcoming

One

2010-01-26T01:16:00.001-05:00

you're here

inside me

nothing soft about it

a blatant blow

torpedo typhoon

stirring up

dramatic ends

tangled in the web

of which our relationship

stands,

fast and furious

time provides no lines

no bounderies

entwined in weeds

i seek to run free

but you are there

running with-in me

The Now

2010-01-22T11:58:00.000-05:00

it is the here

it is the now

it is

what it is

rummaging

through existence,

remembrance

clutching to

what could have beens

might have been

was

euphoric matter

compiling continued

what can not be undone?

substance

it is the here

it is the now

Seen

2010-01-20T08:00:00.001-05:00

i see you

the insecurities

need for attention

love,

hidden behind your smile

i see you.

believing hoping

you see me too

together, bound

intimately

unspoken unforgotten

captured, each moment

photographic memories

i see you.

please know,

there is no reason to remain hidden

for we are all exposed

open to the inevitable,

free to live life

in this moment

this age,

with you, i see.

i see you.

my love,

i set you free

spread your wings,

fly

together in harmony....

let go...

with me.

as i with you

eternity together

we shall be free

This Moment

2010-01-13T10:30:00.001-05:00

Eerie strength resides
Power
Will of mind
Physical glee
Running amongst
the wild creatures
Tamed to no one
Conventionality outspoken
Free of poison
Clean and clear
Rising high
as the midday sun
No past or future

Soaring
Here

in this moment

I am free.

Fallen Pride

2010-01-08T12:00:00.001-05:00

she stands tall

on top of the world

a tierra of pride

placed upon her crown

long nights and aching hours

lost oppurtunities of love, friendship

all paid off

she speaks eloquently, diligently

thankful of the acknowledgment of a lifetime

goals beget goals

success insued

she descends her platform,

prideful, graceful

thousands watch in awe

how fortunate she must be

head held high, smiling

one step in front of the other

tripping,

falling,

tumbling

down the stairs

one, two, three, four...

bottomed out

many rush to help her

yet she rises, gleefully

laughing at self

looking at the gasping audience

she takes her bow

The End.

2010-01-05T01:30:00.000-05:00

each ending brings forth

new beginnings

but, i ask,

has anything really ended?

lying there,

mind seeking refuge

to say good-bye

so sad, the meaning

why not, why not?

see you later

see you soon

in the teacup of my heart,

how you fulfill me

a teaspoon of forgiveness

a dash of respect

just a pinch of regret,

when new beginnings

relinquish the end.

forever, ever-after

the past stays close to home.

the heart that you long for,

is the place, i call home.

i let you in,

i let you in

the heart,

it does not end.

I Love You

2010-01-04T02:40:00.000-05:00

'I love you too,' I reply, 'how often must we say it...?'

'Not enough,' you smile, kissing my tender spot

'....but, how often must we say it,

for it to come true?'

'I love you.'

Reflection

2009-12-27T03:02:00.000-05:00

Reflections in the air

each sunrise, sunset

casts a glow

of memories

not yet forgotten

an empty shell

eager to be filled,

set upon

the waters edge

searching for reverence

compromise, unyielding

as you blow away

each memory box

each day,

each night

a reminder

close your eyes,

little one

let strength in vulnerability

rise

seek not the answers

nor the demise

but lavish in the existence

of emotion

Wishes

2009-12-11T12:56:00.000-05:00

if you wish

year after year

blowing out candles

finding that first star each night

closing your eyes

in somber silence

praying

wishing

with all your might

blowing kisses

to seal each wish

wrapped in hope

it will

one day

come true

be the believer

may fresh wishes

wash over you

falling upon

persistant dreams

conquered

Leave a Message at the Beep

2009-12-06T09:00:00.001-05:00

thank you for calling

i'm sorry i missed your call

perhaps, once i am buried

i shall return

to avail

the remembrance of

'once was'

'could have beens'

until that moment

i wish you

to forget me not

restless nights

forsaken days

emptiness

fulfilled with empty calories

binging on lost oppurtunities

lost words

never spoken

never forgotten

longing for the embrace

not easily replaced

an appreciation never mustered

boils up to fester

yet reaching out

you get this voicemail

best of luck to you

i know i've always been a dreamer

but, please do

leave a message at the beep...

beeeeeeep

Crazy

2009-12-03T12:31:00.001-05:00

blowing madness

to and fro

captivating mind

bask

in self awareness

as you amble through

life

crazy is

as crazy

does

facsinated there

in self-play dough

shape and form

disfigured beings

to skip amongst

common crazy

for it is not i

but universally

chaotic

crazy

Desperate Love

2009-11-30T20:00:00.001-05:00

she's off again

plunging head first

into the walls of a mans heart

repeatedly beating

down the doors

of despair

lonely cries emerged

embraced

in the arms of a stranger

this moment

this night

when the conscience goes quiet

insecurities hide

all is motionless

in the darkness lie

two hearts fluttering

racing against time

into the never-ending night
validating desperate love

clinging there

resonating hope
two passionate hearts
unlocking

Listening Gem

2009-11-20T12:00:00.001-05:00

I told you,

once.

I have nothing to give,

but myself

I wanted to hope you were not listening
my words went unheard

lying in wait

a precious stone

it was forseen

one day a curious soul

should stumble across

this abode

gleaming there

a sparkling gem

hues of blue and green
hidden beneath the darkness

in life

bound to be picked up

twirled within the fingertips

of appreciation

You knew it would happen

You fortold the light

perhaps,

I was not listening

as our time

passed us by

unknowing

love shared

unable to sustain

not listening.

when curiousity

rubs the soul clean

shining through the

pearlish light

as it naturally must be

You knew it would happen

an opal of oppurtunity

I just was not listening

perhaps you planted the seed

to lie in wait

patient

as our time passed us by

I told you once.

I wish you would have listened.

I wish I did not.

turned now to a ruby

in the heart

a diamond in the eye

of another

I cherish

what never was

never could be

sparkling

in the darkness

gleefully listening

Finding the Strength

2009-11-10T02:14:00.001-05:00

can I find it behind the rock?

is it lurking inside the cabinet?
maybe across the sea,
on some pleasant retreat?

the courage, I seek
to stay strong in this moment
of weakness

avoid filling the void
as it is irreplaceable
seeking out what is not
manifesting desire
where otherwise is none

flooded eyes and foggy brain
an emotional turmoil bursting inside
don’t hide the anguish
let it be heard, let it be seen

this storm that has risen
doubt and anguish
ever confusing
pulling you this way and that
finding the strength to remember
there is reasoning, meaning
behind all else otherwise
deemed demeaning

loves gained, loves lost
hopes inspired, hopes deminishing
confidence rising, undermining overwhelming
titter tatter, the life scope goes
escape, if you must,
but what shadows must go?
which will follow, should your escape
be in vain?

in search of the sanity
of which you have never
really gained

Maybe I can find it
out there on some pleasant
retreat...?
See you in a couple of weeks!

Lady of the Pond

2009-11-04T22:07:00.000-05:00

if i may

swine dive off the tip top

of the old pine tree

deep into the murky, cold

pond below

gliding along freely

in dark blue midnight cool air

water gliding through

nude limbs

becoming one

water and body

mind and soul

exasperated

floating in the center

gazing amongst the star lit sky

breasts open to the lightening

cool breeze, mist ensued

across damp vulnerability

exposed, hidden

as one

allow me to sink

deep into your quiet darkness

to spread wings

breaking the depths fo the waters edge

lady of the pond

fly

sorry

2009-10-30T14:08:00.000-04:00

i'm sorry if i push you away

i'm sorry if i say the wrong things

perceived as being hurtful

i'm sorry if i can not reciprocate

your thoughtful words, actions

in a conventional way

i'm sorry if i have not let my

past love lay buried,

as your eager eyes long

to call me yours

i'm sorry if my old habits are hard to break

as independence and solitude

blanket my existence and compromise nonexistent

i'm sorry i am so stubborn and resistant

i'm sorry if i am not all that you had hoped

i could be for you, today

i'm sorry that i tell you to stop apologizing

for who you are and stand before you with

i'm sorry

as i require time to register and believe

what i feel is true,

untainted by your own emotions

i'm sorry if my cynicism burdens you

and i can not resonate your love

if you can be patient,

if you can give me time

i'm sorry will turn to

i love you

or you can just rip the band aid

from my wounded heart

and go

i'm sorry.

Old Bones

2009-10-23T13:21:00.000-04:00

Crick Crack

old the bones go

deep

into sorrowful pity

life remains

long after all has ceased

terminally contented

in moments of

woe

abiding the day

with haunted memories

grey as the cobble stones

of the complicated, unyielding mind

worn the hands

of which long ago

weaved

golden strings

into a protective veil

unable to behold

forgiveness

the nest of aniomosity

humming its lullaby

Crick Crack

old the bones go

to this moment

in sorrow

an old senile woman

forgotten

Time

2009-10-16T10:28:00.000-04:00

you were in my dreams

but then i awoke

you knew,

even there,

in my subconscious

our time would go too quickly

time of which we never had

stopped

in our togetherness

relinquishing

the power

subdued

in the name of love

at times mercy

it would never be

tick tock

my heart thumps

so quickly...

forever ends

Lone Angel

2009-10-13T12:00:00.001-04:00

she sits alone

content

the world outside

consumes

energy

straight from her lifeless body

an angel of sorts

to touch the lives of others

briefly

moving on

without a tear to shed

just the fond memories

of the girl who once was

passing through

passing by

not one to stay

through all the times

fondness in their minds

that is what she preys

they only think good of her

as she walks away

today she sits alone

Loves replacement

2009-10-08T21:00:00.000-04:00

I stand over the counter

munching on crackers and hummus

contemplating Loves existence, awaiting the call

from Loves replacement

nah, Love is not mine

Love claims its independence

and spats in the face of any

who requests too much attention

the world meant to cater

to Loves time clock

Loves watch Loves needs

all these years have taught me so

nay, Love is not mine

Love is on its own

as I wipe the crumbs into the sink

running hand in hand out the door

with Loves replacement.

Late

2009-10-08T00:49:00.000-04:00

Like a dream

showing up to class naked

you run out the door

Late.

Disoriented and hungry

Scrambling

for composure

Hoping no one will notice

the pillow crease

running down your cheek

you breeze through the entryway

Greeted with

'We were worried about you'

'I'm sorry', you reply

Resuming the position

of catch up all day

and into the night

you can't help but wonder

if they are thinking

Man, must be nice to sleep late

Indulgence

2009-10-05T11:50:00.000-04:00

Sometimes...

Sometimes I am

an extremist...

emotional

powerful

empowered

extravagant

indulgent

lavishing,

in the bliss of life

Sometimes...

Sometimes I am

an extremist...

over and over

Again.

Life Expectation

2009-10-02T12:00:00.001-04:00

Everything as it should be

she has grown

athletic, intellectual, spiritual

right on course,

she excelled in her education

followed with love bound dreams

her father proudly walked her down the isle

as he handed her off

to her hearts' sweet

they danced through the night

into their future

building the foundation

of a fairytale lifetime

biological clock ticking

reproductive syndrome

they bare three angelic ones

pronounced titles filled

daughter, wife, lover, mother

she lives as expected

they get what they long for

as time runs out

she aches for silence

quiet halls

a moment, too short

to reflect self

without the needs and distractions

of the loved ones of which she

yearns to please

caged by her freedoms

remembering past times

of dreams yet to come

dreams seldom forgotten

yet perceived as just an imagery

out of proportion

as time slips by

she bends

dropping to her knees

lying kisses on the eyelids

of the seeds from her womb

she weeps

closing the door softly

behind her

she wishes them better

one final good night

Off Kilter

2009-09-30T14:00:00.000-04:00

the sun rises from the south

sets in the north
rivers run upstream
back into the lakes and mountains
rain drifts upward
into a cloudless sky
evaporating
heat floods the existence
when night becomes day

the world becomes a place
where animals roam freely
undisturbed by mankind
flowers and trees no longer bloom
wilting back into themselves
imploding down into the earth
nothing is as it was

as everything seems off today

Just Tired

2009-09-28T07:00:00.002-04:00

I am just

I am tired

weakness consuming

I want to love you

I want to give you my all

I open the doors

inviting you in

to take hold of the woman

I was

I am

I will be

for me, in return

to love you unconditionally

I do

I am just

I am tired

of opening my heart

exposed

vulnerable

invisible

I am just

I am tired

Autumn Rising

2009-09-24T19:00:00.001-04:00

Kissing the nectars of succulent summer

Good-bye

Replaced with

Crisp, Cool Nights

sun beaming through branches bare

Autumn rising

Pumpkin delight

Pumpkin seeds

Pumpkin pie

Pumpkin quiche

Figs with sweet honey

Nuts galore

Collard Greens

Leeks and

Peas

Soup, let it shine!

Porcini

Butternut Squash

Roasted Tomato and Red Pepper

Red Plush Wine devine

Cranberries and Yams

Sweet Potatoes too!

Apples consuming

Fugi, Cortland, Gala, Red Delicious

Embracing the warmth

Lurking behind the comforting door

of warm Cinnamon Apple Pie baking

Cider in sight

Fall Colors Alight!

Doxy

2009-09-18T13:51:00.000-04:00

desire to love, be loved

hold tight the encompassing

moon of fate

lying nude under beckoning angst

raptured in comforting arms

holding tight

lovers abode

shadows weep window trace

coolness drifting along

heated bodies embraced

sleep easy rest

Dreaming haze

passionate, forsaken

rising sun, transfixed light

she turns to the lover

not of hearts' pine

eyes closed

muted

lovers entwine

mourning kiss of dew

It is I

2009-09-17T03:00:00.000-04:00

Maybe it is I

who cares too much

who loves too deeply

who knows no boundaries

who is too passionate

who can not hold her tongue

who gives too freely

who holds back too much

who speed rails through life

who is careless with her heart

who seeks love time and again

who pushes it away

who finds it in the crease of each smile

who forgives too often

who can save herself

who already has

maybe it is I

Day Light

2009-09-14T22:40:00.003-04:00

it was day light

the sun shone bright

in the cool autumn air

you looked at me

tilting your head, observing

you said

you look wonderful today

the blue of your shirt

capturing the intensity of your eyes

you look vibrant and happy

it was later that i realized

you had never seen me

in the day light

At Once

2009-09-11T12:11:00.006-04:00

At once,

her hair was long shiny golden locks

At once,

her eyes were big blue ambiguous diamonds

At once,

her body long lean flexible agile

At once,

her frame curvaceous sensual seductive

At once,

her skin flawless pale pink dimpled

At once,

her lips pouty plush inviting

At once,

she danced gracefully in circles of delight

under the moonlit starry nights

At once,

her voice was intense pure finely tuned

to the key stroke of the piano

At once,

she stole the heart of every man

with the whisk of her grin twirl of her finger

At once,

she was a dreamer

At once,

her dreams all came true

At once,

was a long time ago...

I'm here, my friend

2009-09-11T10:01:00.003-04:00

Place it here, this angst, this pain

hidden beneath you

you carry the spite

of wrongful gain

place it here,

within me,

to hold the burden

of which has stolen your light

taking it in, myself

to buckle down

under chains intertwined,

captured

in the tormented minds

of the unfaithful

bare it down

pass it along

place your heavy heart

on the ground stone

of our friendship

entrust in me,

to nurture this bereavement

absorbing it, I vow

to sooth it smooth

into silken cashmere

of which I will tuck you in

safely

under softness

New

Smiles Spreading

2009-09-08T01:23:00.004-04:00

Smile spread

Smile contagious

be It

bent and crooked

wide and bright

It spreads to me

seeping through you

in the light of day

dark of night

Smile wide

to a friend

a stranger

right or wrong

may the Smile spread

one by one

Still My Heart

2009-09-02T20:46:00.006-04:00

quiet stillness rests in my heart

the thumpty thump

ribcages rest

Love-abound riveted past

heart a flutter, butterfly beauty

wing span spread

with ease and grace

opening your palm,

blowing wishes in the evening breeze

releasing gently

to pitter patter on my new found

wings

harmony

whisked within

serene surrender obliged

my heart hushed

Fulfilling Salt

2009-08-29T22:02:00.003-04:00

The salt of my tears

Season the frozen dinner I eat tonight

You said you would call

You said, we would meet at 8:30

I sent you a message at 8:45

Receiving no reply

By 9:20, I was hungry

Bereaving

You never fail at being deceiving

I have grown to find my tears

Much more fulfilling

and alway reliable.

I'm Sorry

2009-08-28T13:36:00.008-04:00

I'm sorry

I try every day

Guiding my head to overtake my heart

Pulling on the heart strings

This way and That

The balancing act of a life time

Redirecting the attachment

In an upstream motion

Even my head, be of a trickery at times

Telling me it is okay

Validating invalid actions

Allowing my heart to be free

I tell myself over

No, this can not be

I am sorry

I am trying

BUT,

Sometimes my heart

Overturns my head

Sometimes my head deceives me

I seek for the strength day after day

And, still, I can't help but

Love you.

I have it

2009-08-26T13:53:00.000-04:00

I have it

cupping it in my delicate fingers

grasping its aromas

fulfilling my inner need

of want and desire

placing it down for one moment

wanting it

wondering, do i have enough

am i prepared to go without

did i plan accordingly

for the time when it runs out

will i be left longing

needing

wanting more

for this moment, i have it

pondering the moment when

i will no longer

do i consume it

or does it consume me

Relating Evolution

2009-08-23T13:42:00.001-04:00

as the oceans are calm

lit by the effervescent lighting of the sun

rising and falling

creating the backdrop of a serene

moment in time

where on-lookers stop for a moment

to appreciate this passing

of which will never be the same

they look toward
the happy couple
with beauty and grace of which
bodies aligned naturally
in tune with one another
easing closer
with a comfortable silence

look beneath the surface of that same ocean
the habitats striving to exist
pollutants of the world around
adding pressure to survive against
mankind
against rivals and food chains
a once smooth surface
hidden within
the whirl tide of existence
that shall prosper
recreating its evolution
so much more to be seen
to survive, below the surface

the happy couple
publicly pronounced as 'perfect'
innately surrendering to compromise
in a world where competitive boundaries
lay no more
battling the storms of rough tides
and bigger fish
they struggle to exist
as one
calm on the outside
with a whirl wind of life
within
recreating self to accommodate
evolution
bound with strength and confidence
in their imperfections

so, they too, sit with the public eye
observing the beauty of God's light
and know,
there is so much more below the surface
it is the understanding of acceptance
that makes it perfect
that makes it surreal
that makes it ever changing
giving life the strength to exist
in the beauty of this night
where on-lookers pause
in reflection
of evolution