after all.

image thru throughhimwithhim.com via nehali.blogspot.com

i do not need you

i want you

if i do not want you

i have no need for you

so be kind to a fragile heart

whose only passion left 

is that of spite

years it took to build ourselves up 

to make

us 

the care and attention

in weaving our dreams

together

creating

loving

cherishing...

Crushing.

self-destruction 

ensuing

in a long, lingering blink

our dreams

are behind us

i should be sad

i should try to hold on

i do not need you

i want you

if i do not want you

i have no need for you…

after all.

Secrets

i wish i knew what to say,

or rather,

how to say it…

i wish these long drawn-out

silences

were a little less one-sided

i wish it took less dramatic measures

to make a good-bye stick

to return things as they should have

always been

but, return,

could it ever?

be what we had before?

i wish i knew what that was…

was there ever a moment

when we were not an us?

it’s hard to recall

if either of us could peer

beyond the walls of forgiveness

we’d see the shattered

spirits

of our dying love unfold

fore when i find the words

we will finally know…

how deep the wounds of deceit

shall go

i wish we could have been more honest

especially with ourselves

fore if the words should never come

the truth shall still be known

regardless of the outcome,

i hope deep down you know…

i will always miss you

and what we had before

break me... again!

you’ve broken my heart

over and over again

i’ve let you

extending the fragments

of which remain in tact

to be shattered

ever more

by the persecutor

of my soul

i lay it out before you

come…

crush me

destroy me

make me fall apart

over and over again

i beg of you,

break my world apart!

your visit last night

you came to me

last eve

creeping through

the shadows of my dream

i felt your eyes

observing

my life unfolding

without you

and it was there

where your presence

was felt

that i came to know

i would always

have you

if only in my dreams.

The Chosen One

it was not i

who chose life

it was life

whom chose me

oft times

considered mundane

yet precious the gift at hand

i unwrap it

carefully, precise

seemingly careless at times

unfolding the corners

placing together the pieces

realizing it not to be a puzzle

but a portrait

of the brightest colors

darkened shadows

a kaleidoscope of fragments

adjustable, amendable

ever changing the angle of which

i hold it

it is a gift

handed down to me

a gift

meant to share

my dutiful obligation

to respect it

with objectified care.

Thawing

there is a chill that’s seeped

into my cells,

cold, still, numbing,

the days

immobile...

wondering how long,

it all must take

for passion and desire

once again to stake claim…
as rapidly as the freeze
seeped into my veins,

slowly, the coldness will lift

a vague memory

of another dreary winters day...

cultivating ambition

where otherwise, lie none

awaiting...

the freeze to thaw
and life...
to once again,
blossom.

Flip Side

on the flip side

it could always be worse

so I flip

and I flop

as a fish out of water

contented in knowing

it could always

be worse

Surgeon Generals Warning

i roll it up,

to smoke it,

the fragments

of our broken hearts,

collected over time

with ignited fire

i spark the tip

inhaling all of our

desires

within my lungs

we linger there

until i must

exhale,

fumes of unanswered promises

wafting out of longing lips

left in disrepair,

the stench

of heavenly-ever-after

dissipating in the air

puff after puff,

ashes blown, deception released

to the unforgiving breeze

it’s the memories best forgotten,

when i stub out our butt

to our final

cremation

The Rules

if you want to be heard,

then your gonna have to listen

if you want to be seen,

then you’ll have to become the observer

if you want to be loved,

then you’ll have to love (back)

if you want to be it,

you have to know it…

inside and out

if you want to shine,

then you’re gonna have to polish

if you want to succeed,

you’ll just have to learn

it aint always so easy

it takes patience, sacrifice,

diligence, tears and pain…

but if you really want to,

i believe you will achieve

anything….

Sunken

my heart sinks

as the sink fills

with 8 wine glasses

6 coffee mugs

2 knives

and I’m still…

sitting with cup in hand

wafting away the smoke

engulfed in unbecoming

emotions

without you

my sink fills

as my heart sinks

and I’m still…

sunken

without you.

the storm within

thunder bolts from the sky

echoing the restlessness of my heart

as rain pummels down

concealing welcomed tears

i walk purposeless

engulfed by the angry skies

reverberating my pain

winds whipping through me

as the heat of my veins

perpetrate the storm

i walk

as the clouds

rains and winds dissipate

and all that remains

is little ol’ drenched me

immobile

to the silence

that follows



Be the Change

if you move away

change jobs

careers

life-style

hair color

if you run from the city streets

to the country lit skies

and say good-bye

to convenience

falling directly into the lap of convention

if you let go and let be

allowing silence to sink in

to an otherwise loud and consuming mind

if you picture it imperfect

allowing expectations to drift away

perhaps, it is there,

you will find the unanswered questions

it’s worth a try…

anyway

Poser

I’ve learned best by being a poser,

yes, it is true…

I’ll admit it here and now

that all along

I’ve never had a clue

racing head-strong

I’ve become the perfect clone

an imposing actor of our time

I’ll tell you I can do it

that I am the best!

I’ll smile and nod

at every request

when asked the questions

I do not know,

I’ll lighten the mood with

Excellent question!

placing any doubt to rest

for I really don’t know anything

other than

perfecting the perfect scheme

of being the one who can do everything…

what a resourceful being!

tell me

you whisper,

tell me you love me,

even if you lie…

silence on my tongue

mind swirling with

words i long to muster

yet lying in your arms

my voice obsolete…

you respond to my silence,

then ask me…

the question…

searching your eyes, i do…

…do you love me?

Yes. i will always.

and i find myself bereft,

acknowledged with a caress…

until your soft eyes close,

sweet as an angel to rest

shortly thereafter,

i gather my things and leave…

wondering,

if words really do

mean anything?

Cannibals

a lingering feeling of want

and desire,

not once subsided

since we last parted

so close,

yet far away

a distance of which

space can not replace

although we try

each and every time

ho-humming along

to the beating of passions’

tongue

we become entwined

reveling the addiciton
of...

you devouring me
as i consume you