sorry

i'm sorry if i push you away

i'm sorry if i say the wrong things

perceived as being hurtful

i'm sorry if i can not reciprocate

your thoughtful words, actions

in a conventional way

i'm sorry if i have not let my

past love lay buried,

as your eager eyes long

to call me yours

i'm sorry if my old habits are hard to break

as independence and solitude

blanket my existence and compromise nonexistent

i'm sorry i am so stubborn and resistant

i'm sorry if i am not all that you had hoped

i could be for you, today

i'm sorry that i tell you to stop apologizing

for who you are and stand before you with

i'm sorry

as i require time to register and believe

what i feel is true,

untainted by your own emotions

i'm sorry if my cynicism burdens you

and i can not resonate your love

if you can be patient,

if you can give me time

i'm sorry will turn to

i love you

or you can just rip the band aid

from my wounded heart

and go

i'm sorry.

Old Bones

Crick Crack

old the bones go

deep

into sorrowful pity

life remains

long after all has ceased

terminally contented

in moments of

woe

abiding the day

with haunted memories

grey as the cobble stones

of the complicated, unyielding mind

worn the hands

of which long ago

weaved

golden strings

into a protective veil

unable to behold

forgiveness

the nest of aniomosity

humming its lullaby

Crick Crack

old the bones go

to this moment

in sorrow

an old senile woman

forgotten

Time

you were in my dreams

but then i awoke

you knew,

even there,

in my subconscious

our time would go too quickly

time of which we never had

stopped

in our togetherness

relinquishing

the power

subdued

in the name of love

at times mercy

it would never be

tick tock

my heart thumps

so quickly...

forever ends

Lone Angel

she sits alone

content

the world outside

consumes

energy

straight from her lifeless body

an angel of sorts

to touch the lives of others

briefly

moving on

without a tear to shed

just the fond memories

of the girl who once was

passing through

passing by

not one to stay

through all the times

fondness in their minds

that is what she preys

they only think good of her

as she walks away

today she sits alone

Loves replacement

I stand over the counter

munching on crackers and hummus

contemplating Loves existence, awaiting the call

from Loves replacement

nah, Love is not mine

Love claims its independence

and spats in the face of any

who requests too much attention

the world meant to cater

to Loves time clock

Loves watch Loves needs

all these years have taught me so

nay, Love is not mine

Love is on its own

as I wipe the crumbs into the sink

running hand in hand out the door

with Loves replacement.

Late

Like a dream

showing up to class naked

you run out the door

Late.

Disoriented and hungry

Scrambling

for composure

Hoping no one will notice

the pillow crease

running down your cheek

you breeze through the entryway

Greeted with

'We were worried about you'

'I'm sorry', you reply

Resuming the position

of catch up all day

and into the night

you can't help but wonder

if they are thinking

Man, must be nice to sleep late

Indulgence

Sometimes...

Sometimes I am

an extremist...

emotional

powerful

empowered

extravagant

indulgent

lavishing,

in the bliss of life

Sometimes...

Sometimes I am

an extremist...

over and over

Again.

Life Expectation

Everything as it should be

she has grown

athletic, intellectual, spiritual

right on course,

she excelled in her education

followed with love bound dreams

her father proudly walked her down the isle

as he handed her off

to her hearts' sweet

they danced through the night

into their future

building the foundation

of a fairytale lifetime

biological clock ticking

reproductive syndrome

they bare three angelic ones

pronounced titles filled

daughter, wife, lover, mother

she lives as expected

they get what they long for

as time runs out

she aches for silence

quiet halls

a moment, too short

to reflect self

without the needs and distractions

of the loved ones of which she

yearns to please

caged by her freedoms

remembering past times

of dreams yet to come

dreams seldom forgotten

yet perceived as just an imagery

out of proportion

as time slips by

she bends

dropping to her knees

lying kisses on the eyelids

of the seeds from her womb

she weeps

closing the door softly

behind her

she wishes them better

one final good night